Hey hey hey.... :D
Spend my whole day cleaning up my room, watching movies and thinking. Yes, I multitask and I'll give you a bonus, I didn't really sleep the night before.
Simply because I am worried and a little afraid of moving forward. Standing at this position right now, I am beginning my degree this coming Monday. I still have the stand to move over to Hertfordshire to finish my last year but the best part is that financially things have not been settled in for that one year in that foreign land. However, financially it is almost ready, set and running for complete local studies.
I'm really afraid. Watching myself grow up day by day physically but mentally I am still quite unwilling to move forward. I spent my whole day spring cleaning my room today just to sort things out, manage my mind and get myself ready for 3 years of patience.
3 years is not too long but not short either and I am so afraid I will screw things up. In my mind, I keep asking myself if I am ready for all these. Most importantly, is God standing by my side as I move forward?
And also this relationship that I am in which we both take so seriously, how is it going to work when he leaves to the States? I love watching drama but I hate being in it. Will we manage it well or will we just move on as soon as new life kicks in? I can't answer myself because the possibilities are all so terrifyingly real. And, me being me, will always pick the negative possibility. It is just me. :/
I finally understand why my parents would tell me to enjoy my childhood back in the days when I only knew how to indulge in nonsensical drama. The older you get, the dramas do not only revolve around the people you knew but it revolves around yourself as everything you do directly affects the story.
Ughhhhhh.... *Sigh*
Guess what? Because I couldn't sleep, I got a free gift from my body called nose bleeding.
Kids, sleep while you can before the days come where your body needs it but your mind refuses to let it happen.
Love,
Button
Spend my whole day cleaning up my room, watching movies and thinking. Yes, I multitask and I'll give you a bonus, I didn't really sleep the night before.
Simply because I am worried and a little afraid of moving forward. Standing at this position right now, I am beginning my degree this coming Monday. I still have the stand to move over to Hertfordshire to finish my last year but the best part is that financially things have not been settled in for that one year in that foreign land. However, financially it is almost ready, set and running for complete local studies.
I'm really afraid. Watching myself grow up day by day physically but mentally I am still quite unwilling to move forward. I spent my whole day spring cleaning my room today just to sort things out, manage my mind and get myself ready for 3 years of patience.
3 years is not too long but not short either and I am so afraid I will screw things up. In my mind, I keep asking myself if I am ready for all these. Most importantly, is God standing by my side as I move forward?
And also this relationship that I am in which we both take so seriously, how is it going to work when he leaves to the States? I love watching drama but I hate being in it. Will we manage it well or will we just move on as soon as new life kicks in? I can't answer myself because the possibilities are all so terrifyingly real. And, me being me, will always pick the negative possibility. It is just me. :/
I finally understand why my parents would tell me to enjoy my childhood back in the days when I only knew how to indulge in nonsensical drama. The older you get, the dramas do not only revolve around the people you knew but it revolves around yourself as everything you do directly affects the story.
Ughhhhhh.... *Sigh*
Guess what? Because I couldn't sleep, I got a free gift from my body called nose bleeding.
Kids, sleep while you can before the days come where your body needs it but your mind refuses to let it happen.
Love,
Button
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