It is going to be a long post so bear with me. :)
Life being a Christian for God is difficult.My journey was full of obstacles and pain.I fail certain subjects and I begun to lose hope in God.I see the people in church faking their relationship with God,I got more and more discouraged.Soon I came up with the conclusion that being slained is a form of peer pressure or something you might call a trend.
I knew there was something really wrong with me then but I wasn't given the answers that I seek.I followed the trend just like others.Signed up as a Children's camp helper and do my duty as a Christian.I believed it is the least I can do for myself as a Christian.So I was approved as a helper and I went.
I went with a casual heart.Just go there,do my job and return home.Fortunately that did not happen.On the first morning watch,I felt funny during the worship.I thought it was again peer pressure so I thought why not go try out myself?I went to Aunty Joice and told her I felt funny.So she has decided to pray for me.The funny part is,she did not push me but I fell by myself.Isn't it weird?I grew up in a Christian family yet I doubted him.
She prophecy that I will be able to see the spiritual beings.I was honestly half believing but I accepted it anyways.Later on that night before worship,I saw this boy roaming around.One part of me kind of told me to ignore it while the other part of me actually told me to bring him along with me.Finally,I took his hand and brought him with me.He was reluctant to stand with me but I thought I have did my part so its fine.
During the worship,I held his hand and suddenly I could feel this whole bunch of burden of pain and sorrow dumping inside me.I cannot hold it back,I cried.For some reason I was asking myself why am I crying because there isn't a reason for me to cry.I took a good look at that boy,he seemed fine.It was just me being crazy crying over something that is not from me.
Later that night,the thought of the prophecy kept on ringing in me.I could not sleep so I couldn't get up for morning watch the next day but as soon as I found time,I went to speak to Aunty Joice again.I asked her what was I supposed to see?I cannot see but I could feel.She kind of told me that it is working in me and in a way saying it is just the beginning.
Still I thought it was peer pressure because under the presence everyone praying,maybe they made the wrong assumptions.During the night worship,I brought that boy with me again and this time,I held his hand.I was seeking for answers but the funny part is that this time I felt the exact same thing and it is at about 10 times worst than the first time.I couldn't stop crying and when I try to let go of his hand,he would not let me.He held tight to me and the sorrow kept coming.I knew this time very sure that it is him.He was feeling sad and sorrowful.He is in pain and it is reflecting inside me.I stop holding his hand,I hugged him so tight and I told him "I love you Ryan,He loves you too" He replied me "yes"
Even after worship,I couldn't stop crying.I went to the corner to cry and it is so painful and sad that I can't control.I waited till it passed and sat next to him.He begun talking to me and showing me his drawings.Indeed he is a good artist.I have read some child psychiatric book saying this kind of child have very great skills in drawings but is often confined in their own world and is difficult to open to the public.I knew he was different after holding hands with me.
Time went on and I see more and more improvement in him.Everytime I hold his hand and I cry,he gets much more opened to the public.Each time this happens I told God to use me to help him.I say it over and over again.From a confined to his own world boy,he mingled with others and worshiped with me.
On the last day,he actually worshiped with me throughout the high praise.While we were singing this song,he placed his hands together and made a heart shape.I held his hand and I told him I love him but he told me that "It is not for you".Tears were cupped in my eyes and this is not sorrow but this time it is joyful.I hugged him and told him that "He loves you" and he replied me "I love you too"
This is probably something weird or you can say that maybe I pitied him.But I was very sure it was not pity.Pity does not hurt.
As I went to hug other helpers I figured I could feel their feelings as well.I don't know how and why they are feeling this way but I know they are feeling that way.It is unbelievable but I have my answers and truly it is not peer pressure.Peer pressure will not change a boys life,peer pressure cannot change how a person feels and also tell what a person feels.
I cannot explain how it happened but supernaturally,it happened.
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