Mind Blogger

Hi dearest! It's been a while since my last entry and I gotta say I've been busy and lazy at the same time. I guess most of my time has slowly been thrown into basic sleep and alone. Well this entry is about me being happy and honestly I didn't realize that I'm actually very happy now. My relationship with Hoong seem to be the best thing that has happened now and I'm glad that him and I are together. Just last month, Hoong and I went to Sunway Lagoon together. It was a wonderful time being with him through all the rides and the fun times in the pool. Although I have just straightened my hair I went anyways. Hehehehe...  Terrible for my hair but oh well.. I've attached the photos of us there and hey.. There's actually a video of us too but I'm new to this mobile Blogger thing so.. I couldn't get it up. I think the best way of being happy which I didn't Realize in my previous relationship is to learn how to be independent and strong. A person ...

First things first I'm the realest.. Hahaha jks.  Well for all I know my second semester has been very hectic as well as dangerous. I'm getting lazy and there's been a lot of things I'm getting involved with so.... Lets begin!  First things first is having the greatest honour to meet Mr. Tony Blair for the first time of my life. I didn't expect that, but I guess life has the need to be unexpected right? :) He gave a speech about The Opportunities & Challenges of Globalization and trust me, this man is good at what he does. Its actually something I wish I can do. :) I wish my brain could work so quickly. Heheh I'm just.. SLOW.  Apart from that, my family and I also celebrated Adam's birthday. Minion style. :) I'm not even kidding. I spent so much money on the outfit just to be a minion on that day. Walking around saying "Banana" to every single person in the party just to make it happening. I find myself rather awkward but hey...

Of course we all wish for that beautiful image where we're in the center of light being embossed into perfection where flaws are just impressively invisible. But the truth is, our biggest flaw lies in the darkness of ourselves. As far as you want to be in the light, you also want the darkness to shadow your flaws. You wish to be seen but at the same time you wish the parts of you to not to be seen. Your life is like a silhouette that keeps that never fades  Your life is like a painter who is always doing a patchwork to amend the mistakes and fears in your mind and fear draws you away from the light.  But this man claims to be the way, the truth and the light. He brings out the most beautiful image where we're the center of light being embossed into perfection when flaws become undeniably invisible. All because a strong light lights the way, tells the truth and takes away the darkness from within. A strong light takes away the shadow causing your silhouette to dras...

I feel that the debate about shutting down Facebook due to social abuse sounded quite like a big excuse that just rained onto us. Question, how is shutting down Facebook going to curb that? You see, the social media is not a land where random anonymous people just drop by to politically poison you. Each of these accounts have a name. You can trace it if you want. Remember Kiki or the legendary CDM25? All that is needed is a video of her hitting an old man's car with a steering lock. Instantly, information about her was trashed all over social media including where she lived and ect. Yea, you may call it social abuse at some point when certain people take it too far and begin cursing her. At the same time many big corporations begin poking their head into the situation trying to play the peacemaker. I'd say its a market strategy but oh well, its not what we are discussing today. So whats the good ending to this story? Through social media, Kiki or the owner of the legendary ...

Ngeheheh Yo Yo Yo! I mean, Hi. :) Results are out. I am not completely happy with it but I'm glad its quite good. But I know its a bit stupid but I need to say.. I MADE IT!!!  I know it sounds extremely stupid to say it now but, I cannot handle the happiness of finally seeing my results. Its a sign I have finally finished a semester. I am happy I finished it well. Thank God and all glory to him. :) He is the reason I find the strength to overcome each day. Thank you man, You are awesome. (Y) Okay, time for hall of fame. Are you ready?  It hurts just to see that A- but oh well, its better than nothing right. Its better than a B or whatever. You know, this is the part where I feel like smacking myself. One moment I'd be happily telling myself I did a good job, then another moment I'd be feeling down and trying to find areas to fix. My brain just feels like forming a hand and slap myself on the inside. -.-  My CGPA is 3.93. I really hope I can maint...

Its been a while since I've updated. My semester break is like a way for me to disappear. Endless movie marathons and sleeping. Nevertheless! I did do what most adults say "PLAY OUTSIDE". I did. In fact I was a responsible Malaysian for once. I think? HAHAHAH jks, I went to Central Market in KL. Honestly, I don't even know how that became the highlight of my semester break because I'm a Malaysian. I am supposed to know everything like the back of my hand. Unfortunately... I don't know the back of my hand that well. First was, I saw this amazing sand art. Judging by the amount of love I put into these pictures, you already know how mesmerized I was. It was so nice. Mama Wong told me that there are really coloured sand in Israel. Now now, this is the part where I feel most inexperienced. I never knew until I saw these. Apparently someone loved my country more than myself. I just had to take a picture of that fine artwork. <3   This guy right ...

To be honest, I can't wait! I worked hard throughout the whole semester Studied, made sure I tried my best to do well for each test. I had a good fight with Mr. Procrastination and I made it through all the assignments and now, I want my holiday. I want to play. I want to go out, have a movie marathon and also get my hair all fixed up. I felt that I've earned it because I really made my semester worth the money Papa Wong paid. I admit I'm not the smartest but at least I try to be. Study late nights, do my research and make every effort I can to up my grades. Yes, I want to get a 4 flat. :) I know it is crazy and quite unachievable but I want it. Even when I know this semester I might not be able to get it, I still hope for the best. If its not a 4, make is somewhere closer. :') Please.. It really upsets me that there are subjects that I cannot measure my performance because I cannot see my score. I mean come on, how is Creative Thinking a subject? How is it possible...

Took me a while to write this because I am afraid of him but at the same time there are so many things I love about him. Yes, I love him very much. Never have I ever imagined in my life that I would love someone so much once again. I thought my heart was done being broken. Didn't know I would meet my own best friend who picked up my pieces and mended it and loved it as new. I'm not sure if he saw the treasure among the trash or what but bottom line is, he loved me so much to make me feel brand new. Its scary but I am actually so glad that we spent half a year together. I can never forget how he confessed in front of the most unromantic place ever which is the chicken rice shop in Pearl Point. It is my fault. If I was not being so pissed at him he would have probably confessed in a more romantic way. My fault because I indirectly cornered him. But whatever it was, we made it through the many days and months. I feel so connected to this person sometimes I find myself so far...

Supp :) I mean Hi. :D So, today is a wonderful Saturday so I'm gonna show off and talk about my success. Now sit on your chair and listen to my shit. :D HAHAH I'm kidding. Today is about saying goodbye and making a goodbye memorable. :) As you all may not know or should I say I didn't tell, one of my lecturer will be leaving at the end of this semester. I usually don't do this because : I am too damn lazy to coordinate things. I am good but I hate the follow up because I'm too tedious and I will end up being too stressed.  I always pretend I have too much on my plate so I don't have to look at a long list of things to do. I prefer to drown myself in fear I cannot finish rather than not finishing for real.  BUT, even with all the bullshit in my head I decided to coordinate for her because  I know she tried her best to help us learn and do well.  I like her because she's nice  Deep inside she probably thought no one cared and probably just...

Hello peeps! :) I understand how frustrated you are right now for the lack of updates. I geddit. Its my fault I am so busy. I was busy fighting procrastination and making Papa Wong's money worth. Hahahah I'm asian, what do you expect huh? :P Good news first then bad news ok? :) When I said I was busy trying to make Papa Wong's money worth I meant doing well in the exams that he paid for. Well I didn't let him down at least. Perfect score for Fundamentals of Maths twice baby! :D Of course Mama Wong and the rest of the Wong members didn't have much to say. I belong to the Chinese family who's obligated to do well. If you happen to have good grades, your parents would be proud. If your grades is bad then they'll bring out the 'ok' shield. I'll give you an example ok..  Situation 1: If you have good grades. Family Friend : Hey how's your daughter doing in college? What is she doing ah?  Mom OR Dad : She's doing very well. Ve...

Have you ever felt as if you are repeating the same mistakes as you did before again? Right now, I feel as such and I am very afraid. Tonight is the first night I'm losing my sleep. My energy is driven by pure fear and I'm lost. The scars really does show even when the days have gone by. Recently, Hoong has started being busy and his schedule has begun getting more and more hectic. I totally understand it but I'm finding myself getting more and more typical. Trying hard to stop myself from thinking of the depressing but I find myself slipping away from his mind. He's busy but he has time for games and he goes missing for long hours. For some reason, I find myself repeating the same mistakes I did previously. Begin giving in, then begin giving in more, sacrifice more and lastly getting wounded so badly. I'm scared because I find myself waiting for him to reappear in my phone. I find myself thinking about him and mostly I find myself very typical.  I seem to ha...

Sorry for the lack of updates people. I've been busy and lazy. College life is hard to juggle with especially when you're dating and you have assignments on your shoulders waiting to be completed. Its not easy and its upsetting when you have to do everything earlier. Oh well..  Remember back in the days when your dad pick up a toy and gave it a name and instantly that becomes your best friend? You would never question the reality of it. Instead, you accept it as it is. It has an identity and it relates to you. You talk to it even if it doesn't speak to you. You love it because you believe it has an identity. And as days go by you grow out of that toy and you realise that the toy does not talk and isn't alive. You realise that your problems gets bigger than than just talking to a toy. You grow out of it and realise you don't know yourself. You find ways to fill up that empty space in your soul because you don't know who exactly you are. You don't have ...

I always believed that if we compare ourselves with others, we will get better. We will improve and we will be one step higher than before because we know where we stand now.  As much as I believe so, I often get so depressed with my performance. Not because I didn't do well but because I didn't do well enough to be better than others. I often question myself on why can't I be the best? Why must I always be the second best? The thought runs through my head over and over again causing me to feel sulky while some moments later, I would try to convince myself that I shouldn't be this way. Many people tell me "You are working with your strength. You need to have God with you in order to succeed. " I do agree and I am guilty of many things in my relationship with Him. There are times where people tell me "You are not the best because it is not your time yet. " Now the question is, when is my time going to come? When will I succeed? When will I be wh...

Second week of college is almost coming to an end. A feedback you ask? Yes, college life is fun but the changes are rather dramatic. :/ I ain't kidding. It really is. -.- Assignments, group work, presentation, baking and ect ect.. Oh God, paper,pen, a whiteboard and a teacher with a marker pen suddenly sounds so much better. I love college life but I find myself rather losing time for myself. The moment I open my eyes, I head for college, I go for lectures, then return home. I take a nap, get up and stuff myself with food, study my notes then finally close my eyes. Then the next day its the same routine all over again. BUT! That doesn't mean I didn't get to enjoy myself. I did. I made a couple of really cute friends along the way and they made me feel at home. :) I am actually beyond glad. Hehehe not to mention we're all quite crazy. You know.. Crazy is my cup of tea. :P Another issue I face is, NOT ENOUGH CLOTHES TO WEAR.  Yes, I believe that will piss off the ...

Heyyyyyyy..... Hehe sorry, I just needed to make it this long because I've been actually more than lazy. The book reviews will be taking a little longer than usual. Also I missed the BBW sale. Okay okay, enough of out of topic talks. My first day of college life.. Academically, I find everything still bearable. Its not too much pain on my butt but I'm anticipating some exciting assignments that can literally fry my brain. Haha! Yeap, quite high expectation on the assignments but for the classes for now.. Its quite bearable. :P But then again, you can't really judge the level of how bearable it is until you take the exams right? You might find it bearable in class but fail terribly in exams.. Whoops? Not gonna jinx it. Hahah! I have made a couple of friends in college. Yes, Assunta has truly provided me a good amount of socializing skills. The introvert here at least knows how to make friends and make use of her wit to capture people's attention. Yea, at least ri...

Finally the day has arrived. My college days, my grown up days. I could only bring myself to do this post now because I figured finally, finally there wont be anymore delays. Finally its my turn to grow up. Dad enrolled me to INTI KL just not too long ago. The feeling of having your parents there with you to PAY for your school fees just feels like a whole baggage of responsibility being placed on my shoulders. "So now its no more game play my child, " says Papa Wong. So it is really true. The bigger you are, the slower you walk because first, responsibility is holding you down. Second, you need to walk wisely because people behind you are looking at you. So today, Papa Wong brought me over to take the train. Its quite a challenge I should say but at the same time the responsibility just gets heavier. The responsibility to carry myself well as a person, the responsibility to take good care of myself, the responsibility towards my studies and most of all, the responsibilit...

Truth was, I cried moments before I wrote this post. Honestly I was actually a little more disappointed that I already was. Not because I didn't do better than my trials but my hard work didn't pay off the way I expected. All the late nights, hard work trying to understand and the amount of hope trying to break free from the "NO STRAIGHT A" curse. No kid, I do suffer from that deadly curse. I was NEVER, I repeat. NEVER a straight A student. Over the years I had been trying hard to break free from that curse. Nevertheless, I never succeed. No matter how I try, yet I am still stuck with that curse.  I know its terrible to curse yourself this way but this is what I notice. I find myself the person who is always almost there but not there yet. I don't get it. Why? What did I miss that I cannot enjoy that moment of glory where I am excellent in everything and people get to be proud of me?  I am not saying that my parents are not proud of me. I am also not saying...

Time passes so quickly ey.. Today I stepped my foot into INTI for the first time. Listening to all the things that I have read on the internet for many many times. Just this time, my whole family was there with me. Yes, when I say whole family, I MEAN WHOLE FAMILY. Right now, I can say things are slightly different from what it was a few months back. The idea of going to college to my parents are now different. I'm not sure its because I have made my stand a little too much before or was it because God has really opened up their minds towards the idea of it. Suddenly it doesn't sound aggressive to them anymore. But no matter how, I do thank my parents for being as aggressive as they were in my memory because if they didn't I don't think I would have figured out what exactly I needed to do for myself and my future. Yes, the words she said was indeed the most difficult thing to listen to and I did cried buckets of tears to comfort myself but it was also the reason ...

Heylo pea po...... Hehe I meant people. :) So whassup gurlll? Having your greatest fun of your life? Just kidding, we all know we have our daily issues. But you know what, lets just walk right past it for once. At least for now. :P I didn't think I'd talk about this so soon because I thought I would have been more stubborn than expected. Turns out, this man/boy lowered my limit to a whole different level. Honestly, I didn't think I would be able to fall in love with him in such a way. I was expecting a little more of like a best friend relationship but on a different status. Bwahahahaha!~ I don't think anyone who knows me well would believe my bullshit. Truth was, I was moved by his unconditional heart towards me. He isn't pushy and full of support. I guess on this area he's gotten a higher mark compared to others because he's my best friend. I understand its unfair to the rest of mankind but the story just so happened to move to this episode, okay so ...

To have the ability to fit in and also the ability to be close to God is hard. Not because you don't know which is right and wrong but because the temptation for a temporary thrill is so much more bigger than the reason for His sacrifice. One moment you see yourself a star in the eyes of your peers for giving in to the temptations, another moment you find yourself on your knees pleading for forgiveness. One moment you see yourself a little closer to God, another moment you find yourself totally unworthy for all your acts. It sounds as if it is impossible to achieve a balance because you can only be at one side of the spectrum. Either the McTerrible or the McHoly. Yes, You. Only. Get. To. Pick. One. Christianity is like a drive through in Mcdonald's. The moment you turn on the engines on your car, the game is on. You make your way to the drive through and the operator asks "Hi, welcome to Mcdonald's. May I take your order for today?" and at that moment, you are g...

Update update time~  Due to the terrible haze in KL striking once again without mercy, I feel sickly. Sad to say,  I was down with headache for the whole day. Still I was a good child who went to work and diligently did my job. Okay, I admit. I feel very lazy and terrible these days.  Besides all that, I think I had a good time because he met my parents unofficially and crazy as I thought it would be, my mother farted in front of him. I suppose that is errm... a way of expressing the warmth? HAHAHAHAH okay, now it just sounds weird .  Anyways, I had a good day today I think. :) I'll blog more often okay. I'm feeling lazy these days. I'm sorry.  Love,  Button

I am extremely apologetic for the lack of posts. I got a job recently and after that change, I begun to have less and less time with the internet as well as my blog. I initially thought it was possible to blog in my office but it turns out I couldn't so... I finally made time today! APPLAUSE PLEASE!! During the days of my lack of updates, many things happened. First was, I finally got together with him. I never really thought I would see the day to hear him ask me. I thought things would just die down and I'd forget it. I'll explain in more detail in another post if I am not too exhausted after this entry. Hehehe. Apart from that, I got a job. I am the Admin Assistant of Brainy Kindergarten. Honestly that job is heck as challenging as ever. Who would have thought an 18 year old could be seeing and doing so many things within just these few days of a new year? I honestly didn't think of my life changing this way. Heartbreaking news, since the day I gave up on my dr...

Fitting in. Something I found the hardest to do when I was in my youth days. I remember days when I tried so hard finding a position where I can fit in and feel at home. Yes, those were the days when YC was one of my priorities in life but yet I was challenged in so many ways. Not only did I not feel at home, I felt afraid and most of the time upset because I find people rather much unfriendly. That was how I felt when I try to make friends with people there. I begin to feel as if I was just like the weed growing on the side walk. I feel as if I do not make much of a difference even if I am there or not. My presence is not appreciated. I can't find room for myself to serve because my mind is so filled with insecurities and incompetence. I cannot find confidence in myself and I feel smaller and smaller each time I hear people speak of the things they have done for God. I was blaming everything including myself because I held to that one deadly phrase " I WAS NOT GIVEN THE OP...

People grow up when they are placed in difficult situations where they are forced to accept reality. It it true based on personal experiences because you can dream all you want but when it comes to making that dream come true, its a whole different level. :) You can be so passionate about so many things, but you're only able to do this much. Big slap of reality I suppose? :)  So, it hasn't been too long since the new year came by and resolutions should be made in order for you to stay focus. So what's your new year's resolution?  My new year's resolution this year is : -  Find a part time job and save up as much as I can.  I hope that I can earn enough to pay for my college expenses and book fees. -.- I was wondering where did I come up with such a stupid but genius idea. :) But heck this idea did get me to focus and start working hard again. Enough of plays. Time to get up and work.  Go for college and work hard I consider myself being ver...

Guilty pleasures 101.. Omaikott, felt like it was just yesterday. (It was literally yesterday -.- )  Happy 18th Birthday to myself? This birthday has been a crazy awesome adventure and of course very special. In spite of all the challenges I have faced and still facing, I consider my life as very rewarding because things do really work I guess? How sweet was he to actually spend the 14th with me and celebrate it? :) Of course it wasn't much but it was this much that means quite a little something something maybe?  :D Yes, he's my best guy friend and honestly I never really expect so much to be happening within this short period of time. From the day he expressed himself to me, to the day he cannot decide what he wants and finally the day he understands what he wants and seizes the day just makes everything so urrrrghh at the beginning and finally "okay" I'm usually really good at expressing myself but when it came to this it just took away my ability in ...

Omai, hello people! :) Its been a looooooooong time since I actually blogged for real on what happened in my daily life. I'm sorry, there were many things that happened lately. Good and bad while some moderate and normal things but hey, life is never perfect. It always has its ups and downs right? Each obstacle could be tougher than before but we will get stronger and stronger. So you'll be wondering what did I do on my last day of 2013. Yes, I will share with you now :)) On the very special 31st of December, I didn't do anything. Hahah! I'm kidding. I was in church. I was the sound operator for the night with the rest of the crew and my sifu (teacher) :) As miserable as it sounds, I'm spending my second year alone for Thanksgiving. The service was really fun because there were unexpectedly so many people in church. Of course, not to mention the church was so amazing, providing us with refreshments like 'yee mai tong sui' ( barley drink) and 'yao...

Sometimes life is just never fair. You want to love but you are afraid of the pain. You want to be happy but you're afraid of the tears. You want me but you are afraid of being wrong. How unfair is that? Knowing you has been the greatest pleasure of my life because you're one of a kind. You're shy but patient. You're quiet but positive. You're in solitude but you're happy. You're everything that is good to me except you are a coward. I'm sorry I called you a coward but its true. You are lack of courage to do or to endure dangerous things. Most of all, you are hanging me on a tree. But calling you a coward is yet unfair as well because I am one too. I have the power to snap the string you tied on me but I do not have the courage to do so. I have the power to step away from you but I'm too afraid to leave. I have my principles ringing loudly for me to leave but I couldn't bring myself to go. I have all the reasons but yet I stayed. I gave you tha...